Whoa! A BIG FAT HUGE shout out of CONGRATULATIONS to the Wicked one on her recent engagement!!!!!! May she and the Impaler have many happy years together.

spewed forth from Shanna Riley at 6:30 AM # | | F.U.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Supa freak - that's so cool you got a job at Frederick's O' Hollywood...you rawck! The Worm and I are ordering our Renaissance costumes tonight for the festival in Houston (which we're attending the first weekend of November to celebrate the greatest day of all - my birthday). Our costumes are as follows (laugh and die~!): Ye Funk of Olden Tymes (imagine it with much more cleavage - I refused to order a dress that didn't boast my ample cleavage) Ye Worm of Olden Tymes (sans the cheesy, pointy 'stache and shiny, bald head - the Worm claims this costume will match the sword he purchased at the festival last year) If you're nice, I *may* provide pictures of us in our unholy costumes worshipping at this evil and wicked Pagan-ish festival! Woot! Give me a frothy mug of ale and a lusty wench to pass the day. If not, one of these will suffice. On second thought, just make me the meat in a lusty wench & sexy satyr sandwich!

spewed forth from Shanna Riley at 2:13 PM # | | F.U.

Friday, October 03, 2003

School and two jobs??! When did this sudden burst of good fortune fall upon your ass, Wicked??! I've been neglecting Stupid Fresh as well. Therapy complications, a sick kitty and a wrecked car have contributed to the disregard of our beloved blog. So, my Wicked counterpart, what are you going to be for All Hallow's Eve??

spewed forth from Shanna Riley at 6:53 AM # | | F.U.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Okay, finish this statement: Life fucking sucks because... ...I can't be the meat in an Angelina Jolie/Alyssa Milano sandwich. ...I feel as if I have to stop smoking - and I don't want to. ...they changed the packaging on Juicy Fruit gum. Wtf? ...WTF and OMFG are not yet included in the dictionary. ...eating Crayons will make you sick. (admit it - you've always wanted to eat one or two). ...I'm on crutches. ...they don't make Boo Berry cereal anymore. ...Wicked lives too far away. ...it just does. ...people populate the Earth. ...my nail just broke. ...math exists. ...you can't drink a vodka tonic on your lunch break. ...Ebay is so addictive.

spewed forth from Shanna Riley at 12:35 PM # | | F.U.

Friday, September 12, 2003

(Please read the post just before this one so you'll know what the hell I'm talking about - thanks) Fresh Funk Review Though hard to follow at times, I found this comic fairly amusing. It had only some of the hilarity of the common Trick Tract, along with the usual smattering of last minute decisions and an imminent death. However, something fell flat about midway into the story telling. It wasn't able to keep my interest long enough to even laugh at it. The Assignment is about a man named Charles Bishop who is slated to die. Heaven and Hell are vying for his soul; literally. The entire booklet is a race to see who can win Charles over first before he takes his last breath. Regular humans are employed, unknowingly, in the task of helping the entities. Charles' assistant and his daughter's best friend, Cathy, are on the Heaven team, and a twist in the plot pulls the assistant onto the opposing team, along with his "evil" wife. Well, I'm assuming she's evil since we later see her conversing with a creepy-looking ghoul. Since the assistant is a pussy-whupped ninny, he listens to his wife and doesn't preach to his boss. I mean, come on, she's going to leave him after years of marriage because he wants to preach to another man? But the tracts aren't known for their logic. I'd have to say my favorite part of the comic was when the Hell team sends "Buz" to magically sweep Cathy off her feet. Ignoring the fact that "Buz" appears to be 20-something years older than her, I doubt seriously that she's into the Buz-type to begin with. The plan fails, as Buz shows himself for the "bully" he really is. I liked the touch on love here. Gives this comic a warm and fuzzy feeling. But not nearly as warm and fuzzy as the meeting between Charles Bishop and 16 year-old Cathy Hillman. Cathy comes over as Mr. Bishop's daughter is conveniently indisposed (thanks to the Heaven team). Mr. Bishop asks Cathy to sit on the couch with him and tell him about the Bible. Come on, now. How many grown men ask their daughter's friend to sit down and tell them about the Bible?! I went on a hunch, but Mr. Bishop's wicked molestation was confirmed by the panel with a shot of the house from outside and a speech bubble showing Mr. Bishop yelling "Don't stop Cathy!" The comic goes on to ascertain that Charles Bishop neglected to say the magic words "I accept J.C. as my Lord and Savior" before he died, and, therefore, went to hell. This reviewer believes that Mr. Bishop's denial into heaven might've had something more to do with diddling the neighbor's daughter. But that's just me. This comic wasn't interesting, and only produced a few giggles; not the all out guffaws we're used to when reading Trick Tracts. There wasn't even enough fodder to write a good review. I give The Assignment two Funk Dollz.

spewed forth from Shanna Riley at 12:54 PM # | | F.U.

It's been awhile. Apparently we've all been too busy to keep up with our awesome little blog here. I feel it is only appropriate then, to return with a surprise. Welcome, friends, to Trick Tract Fridays!! Wtf is a Trick Tract, you ask? Well, surely, you've been handed a freaky little christian booklet by some equally freaky christian at some point in your life? Chick Publications produces these little gems; known as "Chick Tracts". After receiving a plethora of them, I started a serious study of the booklets and their claims. Actually, it wasn't serious. I read one, went to the website to read more and laughed my ass off for a few hours. The thing is, these books are filled with lies, hate propaganda and misinformation. They use scare tactics and lies to get their point across. Wicked and I thought it our civic duty to share with you these crappy comics, point out the idiocy and have a good laugh at their expense. Well - honestly - we just though it would be fun. So, here, for your enjoyment, is the first installment of TRICK TRACT FRIDAY This evening will open with a charming little booklet entitled The Assignment. Hop on over and read it right now - then come back here for fresh Wicked & Funk Review.

spewed forth from Shanna Riley at 12:18 PM # | | F.U.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

It's a bit of a long read, but doesn't this remind you of some of our IM-conversations, Wicked??

spewed forth from Shanna Riley at 12:27 PM # | | F.U.

Indeed, they are, Wicked - very pleasing to the naked eye (heh). You should most definitely come this way...the Worm and I miss your wicked freshness and there's free porn to be watched by all. Actually we have two stations at da' Funk's Reality TV windows - the comic relief is in the form of my pothead-turned-crackhead neighbor who lives across from me. His antics, including walking around the apartment in the Scream mask and flipping his lights on and off, are a laugh a minute. He also likes to blare his music at 3am, which isn't so funny. Nothing but sex, drugs and rock n' roll down in good 'ole Red Stick, amigo. Come on down, ya hear?

spewed forth from Shanna Riley at 4:43 AM # | | F.U.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

NEW NEWS!! I am extemely happy to report that I have new neighbors!! Now this in itself does not appear to be cause for such cheer - but follow me here. My apartment is all windows, as are those directly across from me. I can see what they do, and they can see me. Serves my voyeuristic exhibitionist tendencies well. This weekend, Worm and I were hanging out. Glancing over, I noticed the new neighbors had put up a large mirror - allowing us an even better view of their bed. "I hope they fuck a lot," I said. Not ten minutes later we look over - and they're fucking! Woohoo!! Eureka. The mirror provided double exposure, and the view of her riding him while he played with her tits was a real-life porn fantasy come true. I couldn't be happier about my porn star neighbors. Worm and I have decided to call them Ron (aka - Jeremy) and Jenna (aka - Jameson). We're planning to give a thankyou performance soon. Tickets on sale at your nearest blogger.

spewed forth from Shanna Riley at 9:45 PM # | | F.U.